Just do it.
You’re already considered a bad evil woman. Staying in a loveless abusive marriage isn’t going to score you any brownie points. They’re not going to think any better of you.
They being your in-laws ,your family possibly including your mother, definitely your super competitive uncles, their jealous wives, your aunts, your numerous cousins and the great grand fathers family down the street .
They already think your a failure as a wife and mother you know. Or why else would your husband be abusing you in the first place they say. You must be doing something wrong.
You’re stubborn. Too opinionated. You talk too loudly in the company of men. You don’t know how to respect your husband. You’re always out hustling for money to feed the family. That means you’re a prostitute.
We all know ain’t no heterosexual Nigerian male going to do any favours for you without demanding his settlement from you. In kind if you’re not a powerful woman already. And the powerful ones didn’t become powerful by being stingy with the pussy.
Hey. We know these things. Its the bread and butter we’re fed from childhood. All part of the social conditioning. Protest all you like. Behind your back they all think you’re a bloody slut. You’re a woman ain’t you? You don’t live with the husband? You’re a slut.
So don’t think by hanging in there you’re making some sort of statement to fulfil the righteous requirements on marital status. You’re wrong. Only the hypocrites buy it. Right before asking you to meet them in their hotel suite.
So just do it!
The judicial system is fucked up but a good lawyer can get you a statutory divorce within a year. And you can get custody of the children if you’re married under the Matrimonial Causes Act.
Its only under some customary laws that women are denied custody and those laws can and should be challenged. If you want to get out of a bad marriage do a bit of research. Find out what applies in your case. Speak to a lawyer.
Just do it.
And mean it. Get out of that relationship. Take custody of the children if in their best interest or secure your visitation and access rights if that’s appropriate. Get some maintenance money. Or a settlement. Go start a new life.
Its not going to get better. He’s not going to change. And if he does I guess he’ll come looking for you and the kids anyway. Right? If he’s collecting your pay check and still putting the family into debt. Step.
Just do it okay?
If he’s running you like his own personal beast of burden. Step. If he’s more interested in using the family income to buy an iphone than pay for school, healthcare and rent. Step. Especially if most of that income is coming from you.
You have one leg up on the sisters that are indigent or unemployed. You have earning capacity. If you’re paying the family bills while living with your husband you can likewise pay them without him.
He’s a bum and he’s living off you while you make noises about being a submissive wife. A lot of the time his family, his mother and his brother live off of you too. With your acquiescence and full cooperation. They’re not even kind.
Just do it!
Get out and file for that divorce. There is life after divorce. You may actually find the person for you. The person whose weirdness is compatible with your weirdness. If that’s too much for your religious comfort zone to handle you can be happy with only Jesus and the kids.
If you’re separated already you might as well go to court and make it nice and legal. That means settle who gets custody, who gets control, who pays school fees, maintenance and how much. Courts do decide custody and maintenance in separation petitions too. You’ll still be technically married.
Its not cool calling your lawyer only when you and your spouse disagree about custody or visitation or school fees or something and then abandon the matter till the next crisis. Take it to a court. Let a judge and the law decide it. Or take it to marital mediators.
Just do something.
While prayer and your personal religious faith values are important in your quest to turn your marital situation around you must do your part. You must make an informed decision and identify your objective.
Is it a lifetime of wrangling over custody, schools, travel arrangements? A court approved arrangement is no guarantee to a non acrimonious divorce or separation but the absence of one is a guarantee to disaster. Children of divorce have enough to deal with.
Just do it. Nike it. And here is how to do it right here.
If you would like to know more or you have further questions you can book a consultation with me here.
Posted by MzAgams with WordPress for BlackBerry.
MzAgams 
61 responses to “If You’re A Woman Considering A Divorce in Nigeria Read This & Then Just Do It”
Hello, my situation is oddly similar but very different at the same time, wanting a divorce is all i have dreamt of for many years but doing it is a whole different ball game.
Mental and physical abuse is all i lived with for years, saying just do it is not as simple as it sounds because when a man pins you down like a slave and works you till you bleed without paying you a salary or any form of income and enstranges you from your family and friends, gives no room for a holiday or sick leave, where do you turn to? I would have just done it years ago but FEAR is real and a powerful CRUEL tool to use against a woman. Nigeria is what it is-a mans world- I was young and foolish, believed in love and trust till i recieved my first punch that twisted my jaw which till date doesnt close without making a cliking sound. Thinking it would all change when he promised on bended knees thru tears and a running nose- FOOL- is what i called myself because that was just the begining, i forgave him and kept my mouth shut, he knew it, he felt it, he loved it, it gave him POWER over me knowing i would be as quiet as a mouse even if he handed me shit to eat, it only got worse from there, now i have a broken lower spine bone that nearly paralized me and a broken rib on my left side that nearly perforated my heart, an arm that was nearly broken to pieces all this was a year in, a year out experience. I never went to any hospital (who will pay the bills i didnt have a dime) what will i say? They will ask questions. Didnt go to the Police, he is a rich man who could buy anyone and make up a story about his mental wife.
My knees would bleed from the tons of prayers to God Almighty everyday i would return from his work at 11pm, praying that today would be different,that today i would not be the Ogbanje who has eaten her children, the baren useless stupid failure of a wife. That the missing kitchen knives i couldnt find, which were hidden under his side of the bed waiting to slice me with or the loaded gun were not what i was to be threatened with this night.
A day came when the fish scales fell from my eyes and i found my passport (i have dual citizenship) made a call to my brother, got a one way ticket and left after 12 yrs of HELL. If i had a child i would have stayed till i figured out what to do, i felt i had nobody and no money but LADIES THAT IS THE LIE THAT MEN FEED YOU WITH TO KEEP YOU DOWN, we all have people who are ready to help.
When a man penetrates your body, soul and mind TOTALY and destroys every bit of your individuality, uniqness, self esteem and pride all you are left with is an empty shell that is moving like a floating carcass in high waters. Sometimes death was a better alternative-but in my faith and my strong relationship with Jesus- suicide was not an OPTION.
Ladies, we are STRONGER than men, we bring LIFE into this world, which man can do that? We are beautiful, powerful and worthy. Even the Lord Almighty had to come to this earth through a WOMAN !!!!!!! They can keep decieving themselves until the day you find your voice, find yourself, its not worth it to live lower than an animal. We are not ANIMALS, even my dogs were treated with more respect than i was because they had sharp teeth, well i grew mine long and sharp.
I left without anything, please take note i had no childeren for him, and like i said my situation is different, not a dime, with faith in my heart that if God could take care of the birds in the sky what more of ME, his masterpiece, haba i am special too, all that is left is for me to find a lawyer when i start earning an income afterall i worked to sustain the family so i can as well sustain myself all over again.
Dear Irina, I cried reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing it with us. You have been through so much more than any of us can begin to imagine. You are indeed a strong woman. I hope you are doing well now in your new life. I hope you have found real love and that you are healing even though some scars stay with us forever.
If there is anything we can do for you here to help you rebuild your life and move on let us know. We are here for you and the millions of Nigerian women that continue to suffer in silence.
God bless you and keep you. I look forward to hearing from you again. Tell us about how you are healing and the challenges you have faced. It will be a great inspiration for our readers.
All the best
Lesley
I thank God you got out with your life. Mine is going through the same pattern, as a matter of fact he doesn’t understand why I get angry over his mountain of verbal abuse.
Now he works with his sister who lives with us to belittle me and talk to me without regards even in front of the house help.
I have made up my mind, am not wanted here. I know it’s embarrassment for me and my family that my marriage failed but I can’t leave the rest of my life like this.
My major worry is the custody battle for my kids
be strong, get a good lawyer, be resolute. Good luck