I’ve experienced symptoms of clinical depression on and off since I was 9. Sometimes it was just benign blues other times it was sever enough to paralyze me. I would stay indoors and pine away for days. Getting up, having a shower and going to school or work would be a massive chore. Sometimes the work wouldn’t get done at all and I would fall behind. I declined or passed on invitations to go out and be with people.
For a time I just thought that I was an introvert or shy. As a young girl in the village I read compulsively to escape my overwhelming misery or played really loud music to drown out the sound of the miserable voice in my head. My constant companion was the radio. I would fall asleep with the late night music show on. Barry White and Isaac Hayes crooned me to sleep. Then as a teenager I discovered rock and roll. It matched my angst perfectly. I used to think like an ogbanje child. “If I die they will all be sorry.” Maybe ogbanje is just how my father’s people described dissatisfied/depressed children.
When I moved to Lagos at 21 I became ‘a club girl’. No, not that type of club girl, I just went to the club every night and danced all night. I loved to dance; music transports me totally and has a profound effect on my mood. I wanted to be a dancer once upon a time but growing up in 70s Nigeria the only professional dancers I knew were Fela’s girls turned wives. I did not find it an inspiring picture.
I’ve also used alcohol, food and a variety of drugs to anesthetize my feelings. Valium and Librium used to be available without a prescription. Prozac and Zantax still are. Sex is also a common escapism to depression. Makes you feel something other than your misery for a little while. None of it is a cure for depression, I know. Hell I didn’t even recognize what I had as ‘depression.’ I just thought I was really really really sad and I thought that living in Nigeria was what was making me really really really sad. Maybe that is a part of it but it’s not the whole story. I’ve had depression while away from Nigeria too. Depression comes and goes or just gets chronic. When the episodes pass it’s as if they never happened. The sun comes out and all is well with the world.
No one wants to admit depression, you just know that the natives won’t get it and will probably make you feel even worse. So why am I admitting it now? Because there is someone else out there feeling just the way I do and I want to reach out and say ‘Hey, I get it.’ We can support each other even if we can’t get professional help around here. Admitting it is also so liberating. I’m not going to walk around making excuses for my life because of it but I feel better knowing there is a perfectly good scientific explanation for what I feel sometimes. I can forgive myself.
I’m compiling a list of resources in Abuja. If you know any, counselors, shrinks or sufferers get in touch.
Love and power beautiful people.
MzAgams 
44 responses to “Coping With Depression in Nigeria”
Sending a powerful wind of healing to everyone suffering from depression. I suffered from childhood to adulthood too, in fact, it manifested into physical pain that no doctor could rightly diagnose what the problem was until someone said, hey, this looks like a mind problem and asked if I was unhappy about anything in my life. Of course, I thought my life was an absolute joke, a heap of shit and there it was. I didn’t believe I was having bodily pains because of it but yeah, my body had emaciated a great deal, lost all appetite and not sleeping at all any more (zero sleep for months) I was on the verge of losing it or maybe dying but in those days, I never considered suicide cos I was raised it was the greatest sin but I do confess to having some insane thought like when you’re done tormenting me, feel free to cut me off. A doctor without my knowledge placed me on Ativan and even with the smallest dose, worsened my case after completing the dose as I had severe withdrawal symptoms but to cut the story short, I feel lot better these days. These days have been the best days of my entire life.
First, I turned to God for healing.
Second, I cut out all medication to as little as possible so I do not depend on them.
Third, I ate well, exercised, slept on time.
Number 3 didn’t come easy so I needed to address the root cause of my depression. Mostly stuff beyond my control, I stopped obsessing over my failures and learnt to you know make the best of the life I have, like they say, if life gives you lemon, make lemon juice.
And most importantly, fight for yourself because you matter. You are your number one greatest fan so do not let yourself down. Love yourself to a fault, spoil yourself with positives, fast delete the negatives, indulge yourself, go out, talk to people, help those in need and never take things too seriously. Life when you really think about is a joke and nobody really gets it. Let’s all just try to enjoy it as best. Nobody’s life is perfect. It may appear some people are a lot more fortunate than others but look around you, you are a lot more fortunate than a lot of people too. You are here, alive and healthy. Do not take these things for granted. Many people wish they were you. When I wasn’t sleeping for months and experiencing the chronic pain, I envied everybody I saw even beggars on the road side. I just wanted to sleep again, wanted the pain to stop at least partially. Thank God for everything.
sorry for the long write -up. I just hope this can help somebody.