MzAgams

Most abusers are narcissists. Here’s a pretty good guide for spotting and avoiding them. If there is one ting I have learned in my more than 15 years working with domestic violence and as a survivor myself of childhood violence is that abusers are a specific personality type. Recognizing that and the traits reduces the risks of becoming ensnared. Of course there is no such thing as zero risk but every bit of information helps.

So first of all what is a typical characteristics of abusing type? 

They keep track you all the time

They criticise you for the smallest things and always put you down in public.

They are always accusing you of cheating and infidelity. Even if you go out for one minute they will accuse you of seeing someone else. If you don’t answer your phone quickly they will accuse you of being with someone else. Even if they know where you went they will accuse you of lying and seeing someone else.

They make you stop seeing friends and family members. They will criticise everyone you know, even your own mother and father. They will claim that they ear the only one that cares for you or understands you or knows what you want and that everybody else hates you or is jealous of you or wants to hurt you. 

They will try to prevent you from working or going to school. An abuser will sabotage your work and your business. They will tell you that education is not important or that you should chose between education and their love and affection. 

They will control your money and how you spend money. They will want to know the smallest detail even of how you spend money that you have earned. They will try and make you financially dependent of them. They will not let you make your own money. And if they give poi money they will make sure never to give you more than exactly what you need and they will make sure that you spent it exactly. usually they will give you less than you need or ask for. 

An abuser will destroys your property or things that you care about such as photographs and gifts from other people. they will even destroy gifts that they gave you that they know mean a lot to you. They will try to make sure that you have no valuable property of your own. Things like jewellery, shares and bonds and keep sakes are not safe from them. 

Abusers will threaten you, threaten your children and even threaten your pets. Sometimes they will even threaten your beloved family members, siblings. parents. And they will insult and abuse them too, sometimes to their face and sometimes only to you. 

Abusers will have sex with you against your will and will accuse you of not loving them if you do not agree to have sex, 

Abusers blame you for their abuse. They will say things like you made them do it or that you provoked them. This will destroy your self confidence and will make you alway stay harder to please them. 

Threats of suicide are also abuse. Abusers can also threaten to harm themselves. 

An abuser sees their victim as their property and feels that they can do whatever they want. Some men especially think that because they paid a bride price that they have purchased a beast of burden. Bride price is not a purchase price of a human being. It is a symbolic payment that in some traditions entitles a man to the fruit of a woman’s womb and sexual exclusivity.

Do you feel like you have to “walk on eggshells” to keep him/her from getting angry and are frightened by his/her temper?

Have you stopped seeing  friends or family, or given up activities you enjoy because he/she doesn’t like them?

Are afraid to discuss your  relationship with your spouse?

Are  you always afraid to hurt his/her feelings?.

Have you stop expressing yourself because your  spouse might disagree with you?

Think about whether you are in an abusive relationship that should end. If you would like to consult me on the status of your relationship please follow this link here.