Once you’ve made up your mind to get a divorce here are the next ten steps you should take
1. Plan where you r going to live. If you want custody of the children the court will demand to know how and where you with live with them. In some cases the courts have accepted a woman’s parents residence but almost never if you are living with anyone else.
2. Start saving money, you will need all the money you can get whether you are expecting to live on your own or with your children. And divorce proceedings can get expensive.
3. Get a job if you don’t have one. To get custody the court will demand you show proof of work.
4. Calculate /track your living expenses for 3 to 6 months with receipts etc.
5. If you cannot work or get a job you must be able to demand maintenance from your spouse especially if your spouse prevented you working. Gather evidence to prove this.
6. Make copies of all important documentation like marriage certificates, children’s birth certificates. Any properties you own together that you believe you have a substantial claim or interest in
7. Consider whether you were married in church and which one, in a registry or a traditional ceremony or a combination of the 3. If you were married in the Catholic Church or the Anglican Church your marriage comes under statutory law even if you did not go to a registry. Your lawyer will file in the High court. If you married in any of the other churches you should ask them. I’ll get information on all churches that qualify asap and post to the blog. If its a traditional ceremony only then customary and tribal law applies. You’re petition will be filed in a customary court. Look for a lawyer whose expertise is there
8. Make a short-list of lawyers to see in your locality. Get names by word of mouth, on-line or through legal articles. Go and interview each of them. Make sure they understand the particular law as it relates to you and are sympathetic with you. If their first response is to advice or insist on reconciliation move on. Do not go with your evidence for the first meeting. Assess the lawyer before making a commitment.
9. If you’re satisfied that the lawyer will act in your best interest to secure a divorce/ separation for you and get custody for you then go and give him photocopies of all your evidence for assessment. Create your own file to keep at home. This when you should pay your retainer fee and sign an agreement with your lawyer.
10. If you want to claim maintenance or even division of property you will need evidence of your spouses income and assets. This will include salary slips, bank statements, property deeds etc. Make sure you get copies of all these things if they are available.
10. Talk to your family and your friends and your pastor before deciding on a divorce. Only go see a lawyer after you’ve decided that you want a divorce or separation. I’ve met lawyers that believe their personal ‘calling’ is to reconcile divorcing couples. I do not.
Don’t go to a lawyer unless your decision is made. Its not the lawyer’s job to help you decide one way or the other really or to advise you whether or not to get a divorce. The decision is yours, a lawyers job is to make it legally possible for you to achieve your aim with the full protection of the law. So help your lawyer help you. Take these steps first.
Of course there are times when the decision to leave is abrupt and you cannot be prepared. If your life is in danger you must put your safety first.
If you would like to know more or you have further questions you can book a consultation with me here.
MzAgams 
253 responses to “What You Need To Do Before Getting A Divorce in Nigeria”
Good morning ma, pls I need ur help and now in a very tight situation at present! My man and I did registry on march this yr as well as, introduction on April! The church and engagement was schedule for November this yr… But something strange happened, my husband had a female child out of wedlock with a lady(though nothing has been done concerning introduction or any form of marriage till now bcos the lady’s parent are not interested in allowing my husband to marry the lady which makes them to go their separate ways but my husband never cease in taking responsibility for the child.) But on May this yr my husband went to check on the welfare of the child, the lady refused access on seeing their daughter that day which made him to stay there the following day, as a result of that my husband accidentally had sex with her which result in another 6mth pregnancy now! My husband got to knw that toward September ending while he was seriously making preparation for our wedding… This caused a lot of serious damages to me especially, bcos the family of the said lady told my husband in a meeting they had was, 1. Since he has succeeded in impregnating her the second time, that automatically makes her my husband wife and an undertaken is needed from my husband stating that he is interested in marrying the lady. But my husband refused to do that! 2. He was strictly warned never to make an attempt of doing his marriage with me! ( this lady’s family took a step and issues a letter from one lawyer to stop all activities concerning our wedding, the letter was served to the local government and the church we intended doing the wedding .. Unfortunately we couldn’t do the wedding!!!) This is where the problem lies! 1. My parent are pastor and is going to be a slap on them if my husband decide to marry the lady too 2. My mother.- in- law is insisting my husband should marry the lady! (She is been sentimental bcos they are both from same village) and divorce me if there is a way to do that! 3. The lady family are also insisting my husband should marry the lady at registry ( they are not aware my husband has already done registry with me) though pregnancy scan was done which shows that there is different of 16days which means my husband may or may not be the true father! And the only viable option is to wait till the baby is born and a DNA is done to established our fact.
At this junction I am confused because my husband loves me so much and he is still insisting he can’t marry the lady after waiting for more than 5yrs whether he mum will change her mind towards her daughter relationship with him but ended up being a waste! He said he can never marry the lady expect to take responsibilities of the children and go ahead in marrying me!!! They are saying that lady is the owner of my husband bcos she bore for him(but no legal binding between the lady and my husband, no introduction, no engagement, no church, no registry) but already! My husband and I av done introduction with registry remaining only engagement!
I am still in my parent house, I couldn’t be with my husband bcos of the cancelation of the wedding and no engagement has been done.
My questions is who is the owner of my husband between I and the lady?
2. What can be done to resolve this issues?
3. What step can be taken to accept only the children but not the mother bcos that is my husband wish
4. How can we go about it to settle this matter at once…
Bcos it will be a waste of time if my husband and I are to wait until she deliver and DNA is done, that is practically a waste of years! What can we do to avert this time wasting procedure….
Waiting for ur reply ma thanks and God bless