Goal: To teach women in (or entering) polygamous unions that they must replace “trust” with “contracts.”
Let’s have the conversation that usually only happens in hushed whispers or shouting matches: Polygamy.
Whether you chose it, or it was forced upon you when your “monogamous” husband suddenly introduced a new woman, the reality is the same. Marriage isn’t just personal—it is political. And nowhere is the politics of marriage more brutal than in a polygamous household.
The biggest mistake women make in these arrangements is assuming that “love” or “seniority” will protect them. It won’t. Structure protects you.
Today, on Day 12 of #16Days, we are looking at how to apply Exit Feminism to polygamy: If you are in it, you must secure your autonomy within it.
The Legal Reality Check
First, understand the terrain. If your husband has multiple wives, your marriage is automatically subject to Customary Law.
- The statutory protection of “monogamy” (one man, one wife) is gone.
- Your rights to property and custody are now governed by local custom, which often disadvantages women.
The Trap: “I Will Take Care of Everyone”
This is the lie that keeps peace in the short term but creates poverty in the long term. “He will take care of everyone” is a vague promise, not a legal contract.
When the money gets tight, or when he passes away, “taking care of everyone” turns into a battle of the fittest. The wife with the receipts, the documents, and the defined assets wins. The wife with the “vibes” loses.
The Survival Strategy: Polygamy ≠ Powerlessness
You can be in a polygamous marriage and still have legal security. But you have to fight for it on paper.
1. Negotiate Specifics, Not Generalities Don’t accept “allowance.” Negotiate specific amounts. Even “small” amounts like ₦5,000, if paid consistently and documented, establish a precedent of maintenance. If he stops paying, you have a history to show the court.
2. Separate Your Assets In a statutory marriage, we fight for “joint property.” In a polygamous customary marriage, you must fight for separate property.
Ensure the land, the car, or the business is in your name, not “our name.” “Our name” in a polygamous home often means “the family’s name”—which includes the other wives and their children. Your name and not Mr. & Mrs. John Adamu. Not Mrs. John Adamu. Your name as in Grace Johnson Adamu (or whatever your government name is.)
If the house you live in is in his name, you have no protection and it can be literally sold out from under you. If the car you drive is in his name it belongs to him. If the appliances in your home are bought in his name, they belong to him.
Do not be shy to be known as a Gold Digger. Collect the gifts, collect the money, collect he jewellery. It could be all that stands between you and destitution some day.
3. Get It In Writing Before you say “I do” (or as soon as possible if you already have), clarify financial arrangements and custody expectations in writing. This can be a simple agreement witnessed by family elders or a formal deed.
👩🏾⚖️ Lawyer Tip: The Customary “Pre-Nup”
Many people think pre-nuptial agreements are only for the rich or the Westernized. Wrong.
In customary law, agreements made before witnesses are binding. If you are entering a polygamous union, or if your husband is taking a second wife, insist on a family meeting where the financial division is agreed upon and recorded.
- Who pays which school fees?
- Which property belongs to which house?
- What is the monthly maintenance?
Write it down. Have the elders sign as witnesses. That piece of paper is your shield.
📊 CTA 1: ANONYMOUS SURVEY
Are you in a polygamous marriage? Have you ever faced unequal financial treatment compared to another wife? We need to understand the economics of these households. 👉 Take the 2-minute anonymous survey: Nigerian Women’s Legal & Marital Challenges
🎓 CTA 2: WAITLIST
Do you want to learn how to draft a simple “Maintenance Agreement” that holds up in customary settings? 👉 Join the waitlist for “Family Law in Nigeria: What Every Woman & Lawyer Must Know”: Family Law in Nigeria Course
MzAgams 